I have always loved Halloween. Its by far one of my favorite holidays. Simply because you go around collecting FREE sugar disguised as chocolate and Smarties.
In the Philippines there was no trick or treating. (I can only imagine what they would give out. YUCK!) There was going to the grave yard and having picnics with your deceased loved ones. OOOOH the fun never stops there, but this blog isn't about the Flip side. Its about my disgust for useless Halloween candy. Yaphank is not the easiest place to go trick or treating. I grew up on a Service Rd to the Long Island Expressway. Houses were very far apart and there were not many. It was dangerous and you had to walk a miles for one Reeses Peanut Butter Cup.
The best part was coming home and emptying my pillow case loaded with treats. Ok the best part was dressing my brother up as a girl every halloween.
Even to this day, I love emptying my little spawns of satans pillow cases on the floor to go thru. I mean steal from. There is always the good pile and the I wouldn't eat this shit pile if it was the last candy on earth. Of course the tootsie rolls get their own pile because there are so MANY.
You know the candy I am talking about. Here is a list of the Halloween candy that should be banned.
Laffy Taffys - Disgusting, specifically the banana ones.
Flavored Tootsie Rolls - We get enough chocolate ones, just stop.
Mary Janes - I happen to love Mary Janes but they come wrapped in the wax paper. They tend to melt and leak all over the pillow case that you are hiding from your parents candy tax.
Palmer Chocolates(AKA The Hersheys Imposter) - They suck at Easter, why would they be any better at Halloween. Stop being so cheap.
Brachs Peppermints & Butterscotch(you've been saving these for a year) - By the time Halloween rolls around from last Christmas, they are melted and attached to the plastic. Useless. Cant even give them to my horse.
Foil Wrapped Chocolate Coins- Its bad enough when you get real pennies in a ziplock but I want quiet money and until Hersheys makes foil wrapped coins, I dont want to see them in my pillow case.
Dum Dum Lollipops - One or two of these at the yearly well visit is a lot. 53 of them in my treat bag. No thanks
Pretzels - Um no, if I want free pretzels, I'll go to the bar, Unless you want to throw a beer in the bag, then I'm good
Now & Laters - They are much easier to unwrap these days but back then you couldnt get the wax paper off. One thing hasn't changed, they can still pull your fillings out and still taste like you're licking flavored wallpaper.
Warheads - Simply said, candy should not punish your taste buds
Mad Dogs - Foam at the mouth gum balls should only be used as revenge candy against co-workers (yes I have)
Jelly Beans - At least these arent as old as the left over christmas candy but they still suck the same
Good & Plenty - I hate black licorice and these are black licorice disguised as pretty candies. I'm on to you.
Hersheys Dark - Before it was posh to eat dark chocolate, these were thrown in the shit pile. Today, they are still in the shit pile.
Spicy Gum Drops - Should only be used to decorate your gingerbread houses at Christmas.
Chuckles - Same as above
Strawberry foil wrapped hard candy - I never had one that wasn't stale
Sixlets - More fake chocolate in a fake chocolate shell
Circus peanuts - Really? Who eats this shit?
Sun Maid Raisins - Unless they are chocolate covered...NO!
Fruit - WHYYYYYYYYYYYY????
I can go and on and on but its almost time to go trick or treating. Feel free to add to the load of crap given out at Halloween you don't want. What is one persons candy shit pile is another persons sugar addiction.
Happy Halloween to all! Stay safe and enjoy the large amounts of junk food you are collecting. Dont forget to "check" your childrens confectionary delights and swipe the good ones before they do.
See you on the Flip side ;)