The Funtasian

Here it is, the very first episode of The JP Pop n' Stuff Podcast! 

I am joined by my co-host Comedian Melanie Englert who  is absolutely obsessed with looking at my beautiful pictures everyday, I have no idea why I dont like things & don't think I need a reason, Melanie humps a stove while tripping out and gives birth to a turkey, how many times do you have to stab a pig and more...

Listen in for all the hilarity. We hope you enjoy episode one & as always thank you for your support! 

We will have a seperate website soon. Just workin out the kinks. 

Follow Melanie on twitter: @melanie_englert & on facebook: Melanie Englert

Follow Me on twitter: @funtasian & like my fan page www.facebook.com/thefuntasian

For suggestions on future topics or comments about our latest show email Melanie & Jeannie at jppopnstuf@gmail.com 

So what's a choink to do when she is too lazy to do Sean T's Insanity? She pussies out and does Sean T's Hip Hop Abs for a few days in a row...

Here is my take on it...

I am half white. Also known as, "Can't dance for shit". The Asian half is of no help either because having to multi-task my arms and legs to a beat is no easy task for me. I can move my hips while standing in place & I can walk in place but dont ask me to move my hips AND walk in place. There is video (that maybe I will post in the future) of me and I look like a retarded seal. A fat retarded seal who can't wait for her next bucket of chum.

Like the other Sean T videos there is something I have to know. Why the fuck is everyone smiling? Who is that happy while working out? Creeps. I am going to try to do the same. I am going to smile the whole Hip Hop Abs session while cursing on the inside only. My ass will probably explode with profanities. A shit storm so to speak

As you can tell I don't like anyone in these videos either. Asian Tanya is following me around like a workout ninja from dvd to dvd. Bitch better watch her skinny completely toned back. I know Asians like to band together like white on rice but this is ridiculous. No, I will not be your workout buddy, I want to smash your smiley face in. Btw my tits are nicer than yours.

Just like in Insanity all the participants are skinny with abs of a greek god. They are all experienced dancers with years of training. Really Sean T? You should put people like Hef, Turner & myself in the videos so retarded seals don't feel so bad when they cant do the freak out move fast enough. I was so happy when they made me get on all fours. Ooooh exciting right? No, it hurts. Who hip hops on all fours if you're not grinding? Having to lift my legs and pulse in the cardio recovery was exactly why I switched to the hip hop abs for a few days. This fucker sucks. He snuck the same moves in on my easy workout. Sneaky bastard is conspiring with Asian Tanya.

During last nights workout, Sean T wanted to know if I felt good on the inside. The answer is Yes, I feel amazing. After seeing the playback of me trying to hip hop, I am amazed at how my dreams of being the star of the next "Honey" movie sequel are shattered.

I've added some screen shots of me from the Hip Hop Abs video because frankly I love to laugh at myself & you get to laugh at me as well. Or be apalled. Not the most attractive photos of myself, but fuck it, this is who I am trying to get back in shape. Yes my tank top says "Clam Power" I support the clammers of the Great South Bay...in case you are wondering, but I just had to have it because it makes me giggle.

See you on the Flip Side! Thanks for stopping by!

Like my fanpage www.facebook.com/thefuntasian  and follow me on twitter: @funtasian

 

 

 

 

AHHHH the day has finally arrived. I am leaving on a jet plane and I am never ever ever coming back again. Ever. Yes, that was a little bit of John Denver/T Swift right there.

Everybody was crying. There were so many tears. What a bunch of pussies. Just stop...90% of you will be living in my house in no time. The other 10% percent...well there will be blogs for that. Wish I could've seen into the future of all the relatives who were coming to live with us. My house became the gateway to America, land of the free, home of the where the white people at?

Mine of course were tears of joy. I couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there. Yea buh bye...

You can keep your dung ovens, balut, water buffalo, brooms, foods that squirmed, the weird bathrooms, nuns, church, crazy people, dead bodies, edible lizards, snakes and whatever else that drove me crazy...and with that said, they couldn't understand WHY I wanted to come home so bad! 

It was a long journey back to the states. I was extremely squirmy on the plane and couldn't sit still as any child. Could've been my excitement or that fact that a 23 hour journey on a giant tin can built by the lowest bidder is hard for a five year old. There was a little old lady who kept letting me sit on her lap. By little and old, I mean probably 30 & 4 feet tall. I kept telling her I was going home to eat Wonder Bread & bologne with my white Grandpa.

I don't remember my brother being on the flight. I think maybe they finally put his whiney ass in a cat crate in the baggage hold. Thats my best case scenario and all I've got on him right now. Meow...

Unfortunately when you travel in the winter there are snow storms that re-direct your flight. Sometimes you get to go to a nice place and other times...like this time...it wasn't a nice place. It was fucking DETROIT. This was the great blizzard of 1978 dumping two feet of snow in Michigan and forcing us to land there instead of JFK. Why not some place fancy like Paris?

We were hardly prepared for coming home to a blizzard even though it was winter. My dad was trudging through the snow in shorts. Ben & I wore my dads tube socks on our legs. Not ghetto at all, but this is Detroit. We had to stay overnight in a hotel for the night. We took a shady taxi. Thank god my dad relatively knew the area because there was some sketchy business going on in the wrong side of  the 8 mile that night. The cab driver started to take a different route and the lady sharing the cab with us was putting all her valuables into her boots. Sketchy...very, very sketchy. My dad forced him to turn down some road which was better than the dark alley we would've all been left to die in. Afterall, Detroits nickname is Murder Town.  Probably the only moment in my life, I wanted to be back in the rice patty with buffalo dung in my hands, a shrimp head in my mouth & leeches on my legs. Swear...

This wasn't the only scary thing to happen in Detroit. My mom lost me in the airport. Could you imagine? I was only five and my mother whos holding Ben for her dear life loses me. I don't know where my dad was. There were glass partitions everywhere along with escalators. I got trapped and off she went. I was scared fuckin shit. There was a couple that took my hand and asked me if I was lost. No lady, normally five year olds in nothing but a tank top and tube socks wandering the Detroit airport know exactly where they are. They wanted to bring me to lost & found or sell me to thieves. Then just when I thought I would never see my mother again, there she was at the top of the escalator looking for me. I offered them my brother but they declined. ;)

There was a wonderful surprise waiting at home when we got back laying on the kitchen floor. My grandpa got a dog!! He was a big black newfoundland collie mix named Bones & he was the prettiest dog I had ever seen. I thought what a strange name for such a large animal. I turned to my mom and said, "You hear that? His name is Bones, he has no meat, you can not eat this dog!" I hugged my Grandpa and whispered to him to keep a close eye on mother because I had seen things and I was worried for the new addition to the family. Then off to bed I went. I was home...in Yaphank and it felt good. Well, until I had to go back to school and felt like a foreigner once again.

See you next time on Inside the Flip Side...

There's another podcast I listen to hosted by Anthony DiDomenico & Bill Morales. You can listen at www.fnfunny.wordpress.com

I have seen Anthonys stand up and he is very good so when you see me share his schedule on facebook. Go have a look see. He also has a website www.anthonydidomenico.webs.com and you can follow him on twitter @comicanthonyd. Follow Bill on twitter @BAMicle

They have a facebook Fan Page so click the link and like them. They will put pics of big cans if you do.  www.facebook.com/organizedchaosradio.com

Follow them on twitter @ocradiogaga. The'yre not getting a lot tweets so follow and tweet them about the lack of big cans on their fan page.

They are also on itunes and not because of Anthonys computer skills. Bill is wayyy smarter than Anthony.  At the time that this podcast aired Anthony was promoting a Movie by the very talented James Britt called "The Creature from the Blecch Lagoon",  Rendevous with Comedy 50's style. It was at Governers on October 24th. Anthony had a non speaking part in the movie and he was terrific saying nothing and stuffing his face. You make GREAT face Ant.

Anthony likes promoting people and his Eskimo Brother is in a band called "Face The King". You can find them at www.facethekingband.com. They have a new single called, "You, Me & the Sound on their website. Vic, I know you are reading this, so blog about this band for me k? Thanks dude. ;) Anthony is nominated in the Long Island Press for Best Long Island Comic. Vote here - http://vote.longislandpress.com/engine/YourSubmission.aspx?contestid=71109. There are better but don't vote for them, only vote for Anthony.

Oooh Oooh they got an email question from the fabulous Jeannie Powers. Wink - Find out their stance on taxable lap dances in New York. Also visit Jeannie's hilarious blog at www.funtasian.com. You are here. Like her fan page at www.facebook.com/thefuntasian and follow her on twitter @u3powers. Now please...

Bill also had a question asked of him a long time ago..."If you could clone yourself, would you have sex with yourself and if you did would it make you gay or would it be considered masturbation? Anthony will NOT have sex with his clone, let alone a guy. Listen to find out what he thinks about jerking off his perverted clone. Eyes wide SHUT.

Anthony just had his one year annivesary with Weight Watchers, down a whopping 109lbs. Ain't that just the shit! He thanks his brother Mike for the after school special intervention involving a whiffle ball bat. I can't stop singing Paul Revere.

If there are any bands who want their songs played on their show, email or facebook them with pics and bios to read. They accept gold coins as payment. Bill would like canned soup.

Next monday on their podcast is comedian Chris Monty. Also nominated for best Long Island Comedian.