The Funtasian

So what's a choink to do when she is too lazy to do Sean T's Insanity? She pussies out and does Sean T's Hip Hop Abs for a few days in a row...

Here is my take on it...

I am half white. Also known as, "Can't dance for shit". The Asian half is of no help either because having to multi-task my arms and legs to a beat is no easy task for me. I can move my hips while standing in place & I can walk in place but dont ask me to move my hips AND walk in place. There is video (that maybe I will post in the future) of me and I look like a retarded seal. A fat retarded seal who can't wait for her next bucket of chum.

Like the other Sean T videos there is something I have to know. Why the fuck is everyone smiling? Who is that happy while working out? Creeps. I am going to try to do the same. I am going to smile the whole Hip Hop Abs session while cursing on the inside only. My ass will probably explode with profanities. A shit storm so to speak

As you can tell I don't like anyone in these videos either. Asian Tanya is following me around like a workout ninja from dvd to dvd. Bitch better watch her skinny completely toned back. I know Asians like to band together like white on rice but this is ridiculous. No, I will not be your workout buddy, I want to smash your smiley face in. Btw my tits are nicer than yours.

Just like in Insanity all the participants are skinny with abs of a greek god. They are all experienced dancers with years of training. Really Sean T? You should put people like Hef, Turner & myself in the videos so retarded seals don't feel so bad when they cant do the freak out move fast enough. I was so happy when they made me get on all fours. Ooooh exciting right? No, it hurts. Who hip hops on all fours if you're not grinding? Having to lift my legs and pulse in the cardio recovery was exactly why I switched to the hip hop abs for a few days. This fucker sucks. He snuck the same moves in on my easy workout. Sneaky bastard is conspiring with Asian Tanya.

During last nights workout, Sean T wanted to know if I felt good on the inside. The answer is Yes, I feel amazing. After seeing the playback of me trying to hip hop, I am amazed at how my dreams of being the star of the next "Honey" movie sequel are shattered.

I've added some screen shots of me from the Hip Hop Abs video because frankly I love to laugh at myself & you get to laugh at me as well. Or be apalled. Not the most attractive photos of myself, but fuck it, this is who I am trying to get back in shape. Yes my tank top says "Clam Power" I support the clammers of the Great South Bay...in case you are wondering, but I just had to have it because it makes me giggle.

See you on the Flip Side! Thanks for stopping by!

Like my fanpage www.facebook.com/thefuntasian  and follow me on twitter: @funtasian

 

 

 

 

The makers of Insanity are pretty crafty with their word usage for todays workout. "Cardio Recovery". To me that means to recover from the cardio death matches I have gone thru getting to this dvd. So Jen and I are thinking its going to be easier. The only GOOD thing about this workout is that it is 33 minutes instead of forty which made us very happy. It still hurts to walk and sitting up straight is an issue. I wonder if the men and women from American Gladiators can do this.

First things first. This workout is full of trickery. I think I drank more water during this dvd than the others combined. Oh you want me to do a plank? Sure I can do those. Now lets lift a leg and pulse it up and down. Yea...I can't do those.

What? You want to do some nice and slow squats? I can do those. Now lets hold that squat and pulse it for days on end. I can't do those but that Asian bitch Tanya can. Die skinny Sean T minion.

This workout hurt. It burned worse than the epidural I had with Madzilla. The whining never stops from Turner and I. We kept saying, "Are your legs shaking because mine are". I did hear a lot of bones cracking coming from the both of us and everytime I had to go into a deeper squat I thought I was going to shit my shorts. I didn't, but gas was imminent.

I continue to dislike everyone in the video. Men should not be able to balance better than me. I start calling out all their flaws. "Did you see Sean T's foot wobble?" Yes m'aam, that shit wobbled. He ain't so great afterall. And they need to stop smiling. Who smiles like that when your body is being tortured? Freakin psychos. 

Sean T. should stop asking me if I can feel it deep inside. For one thing, my perverted side of the brain goes right to the vag wishing I felt it deep inside and the other side just hears my stomach growling...deep inside aching for a Snickers to satisfy me. Also, stop telling me to drink your recovery formula. Ain't happening unless it includes a sack of onion rings from White Castle.

I know there is some method to this overly ripped abs of steels madness. I am not sure what that is, but I know it works and I will whine and crawl my ass across the floor begging for it to stop til I have my old body back again.

Tomorrow is the sissy Mary Insanity workout with Sean T. Also known as Hip Hop Abs. I'll let you know how that is...Heyyyyyyyy!!

See you on the Flip Side Tasians and as always thank you for the support! MWAHH!

Follow me on twitter: @funtasian

Like my fanpage! http://www.facebook.com/thefuntasian

 

Insanity should be called, "Let me just lay here and die". For realz

Anybody who knows me knows I HATE working out. The only workout I want is between the sheets or bending my elbows to get the fork to my mouth. The last thing I want to do after working all day is get down with Sean T and his psychotic workout for over achievers.

What I really want to do is fire up the deep fryer and make some lumpia with rice and vinegar. Nom Nom Nom

Well its day two of Insanity with Turner & Hef. I was proactive and opened the windows, turned off the heat and upped the ceiling fan to high prior to working out. Its almost ten pm and I have better things to do like surf the net for obnoxious posts. While I was waiting for Jen 1 and Jen 2, I set up my tablet to record the hilarity in the hopes they wouldn't find out. Hef found out... And although I won't post the video because I have been threatened with being dismembered by a woodchipper, it went something like this... "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, IF YOU POST THIS ANYWHERE I WILL COME AND FIND YOU etc... etc..." hmmm I have to learn how to edit movies on my tablet to just show the funny clips

At first it was only recording us from the Asses down. It was not a pretty site at all. So I made it worse by turning the camera so it would get the full bodies. Nothing to see here but dying seals wailing for god & chocolate to come save them.

Just like on day one, I do not understand how these people move so damn fast. We had to do a lot of jumps. The guy on the video was like a mexican jumping bean. I really want to hurt that man so he can never jump again. I don't like anyone in these videos. Like I said, put a fat bitch in there like myself who cant make it through a 3 minute warm up because that's what really happens when you do this workout. Asian Tanya to the left with a smile on your face? Fall down and break your face & all your teeth. Corn row abs of steel to the right? Pull your groin out & get an abdominal hernia. Irish step dancer in the back? Impale yourself on a Guiness tap & choke on some Lucky Charms. Sean T? I want to kick you in the nuts. Just sayin...

The only words I want to hear from Sean T are: Time for your 30 second water break and move at your own pace. My pace is sloth. A sloth that crawls across the floor and lays half on the couch half off.  

Hef hid my phone again. I hate tall people.

After making it through yet again another 40 minutes of hell, the three of us sat down to watch the video. When you are actually doing the jumps, you think you are getting so far off the ground & you're all excited. That excitement disappears when the video proof shows this not to be true. We suck. We suck really bad.

I am writing this blog 24 hours after the workout. I can't walk today. I don't even want to get off this chair to walk up the hallway to bed. I'm contemplating staying here all night. I dont know why my calves hurt so bad since I couldn't jump my fat ass off the ground. We all took today off from working out but Turner will be here tomorrow morning. Kill myself. I think I will cover myself in pain patches and tape hot hands to my boobs. They don't hurt. I just want some hot hands on them ;)

Here is a still photo from the video of me lying on the floor with Turner in the corner and I can't get up.

 

See you tomorrow on Inside the Flip Side. Night Tasians! MWAHHHHH & thanks for stopping by.

A little over a year ago my friends Kelley & Errrr turned me on to the Insanity workout. What good friends they are. Kell would honk in the driveway, call every number she had on me and even drag me out of bed kicking and screaming all the way to Errs house to work out. I did it. I got fit and I looked good. In between workouts with Kell & Err, there were the track runs, the bleacher runs, the push ups and the sit ups with Turner & Hef. Then some fucked up disease from 1920 hit my left lung during Hurricane Sandy. Its called pleurisy and that nice fit body I had went to shit. I want it back. NOW...

3 Months later and healthy again, I'm ready to work out full force. I thought what a better way than to jump right back into Insanity. I should stop thinking immediately or only think of cake.

Last night was our first night back to the grind. It went something like this....

3 minutes into the warm up this was me...Uhhhh Does anyone else want to die? Their answers were yes. I had to turn the heat off in the house, open the windows that were right in front of us & turn the fan on high

I live for the 30 second water breaks. I curse every five seconds. I read that cursing cuts pain in half by fifty percent. Although I would love to believe this and continued to curse through out the workout, I know this to be a big fat lie. I cursed during both births of my children. It didnt do shit for the pain I felt while my twat let out an 8 pounder.

I think all I kept saying was OH MY GOD FUCK MY FACE over and over. Turner and Hef were dying just as much as me. We crawled across the floor. We laid there cooling our bodies on the hard wood. Hef suggested we go make snow angels in the front yard. I was so hot, I wanted to go out there and make snow angels naked. I would've too.

This workout is not easy. I know this because when I watch the dvds eating a bowl of chips and dip it gives me great joy to see the people in the video fall down and struggle to do a push up. I want to see real people do Insanity. People who fall down because they cant breath. I want to see fat bitches. Who can just get down and do man push ups on the first try. A year ago I couldn't do shit. Do you remember the Fembots? I believe thats who are in this video.

I want to know how these people move so fast. It cant be humanly possible. These people are not normal. I want to throw Sean T off a cliff. I hate Sean T and his arachnid looking abs. Maybe I want to touch them a little bit.

As I sit here writing this, every muscle in back and shoulders are sore from last nights workout. During the pushups Hef disappeared. I think she was in the kitchen doing her push ups against the counter while dry heaving into the sink. We all wanted to vomit.

Turner laid on the couch and Hef chased me around the dining room table trying to take my phone away while Anthony Didomenico was texting me about all the countries the podcast I was on hit. I felt this was more important than butt kicks & high kicks. Hef put my phone up high and I could not reach it on my own til she gave it back at the end. That bitch

Even though we cursed at each other for most of the forty minutes we continued to urge each other on which is what you need if you decide to torture yourself with a 40 minute nazi workout. God help us, this was only disk one

As you may have guessed I will be chronicling (is that even a word) our sessions with video clips and stills like I do with the Kraken Kronicles.

Stay tuned for Day 2 of the Insanity workout synopsis. I took video and Hef found out. She threatened to find me and kill me if it posts anywhere. There is your evidence if I wind up at the bottom of Yaphank Lake. Hef did it...