Thank you for all that you've taught me. Things like at the age of five that the street sign that reads "No Outlet" means no sidewalks. I believed you until I was 22 years old and made a fool. But really have you ever seen sidewalks where there are no outlet signs? I havent and I bet all of you will look now.
You also taught me that frozen eggrolls never expire. Even when the shanghai paper looks like it wrapped a mummy from 3000 BC. Those little lumpias still taste delicious. This goes for all frozen meat in the extra filipino freezer downstairs in the scary haunted basement.
Thank you for making spaghetti with red sauce on the day I got my first period and announcing it to everyone at the dinner table. Dad you freakin laughed. You're so lucky I didn't know what balls were yet. The expression on my little brothers face was amazing. I was hoping he would vomit but it didnt happen. One more thing about my period...you didnt teach me how to put the pad on and I was sticking them to my vag for a week before I realized I was doing it wrong. Also, I didnt think I was supposed to be giving myself a brazilian with my ginormous Kotex Maxi Pad was kind of a hint.
When it comes to food though Mom, you really know how to do it. I mean who can take a few things out of the fridge and make a ten course meal. You may get botulism so be careful. Also stay away from the mystery pot. Especially if you see eyeballs or even a tail. An ox tail that is.
Thank you for letting me suck the icing from the icing tube everytime you decorated a birthday cake. What great practice I was getting...I see what you did there mom...
Thank you for never warning me when you made the dreaded tripe soup. I have never smelled anything so disgusting in my life and I would rather eat the buffalo dung. Normal people do not boil tripe.
Thank you for always buying the frosted CHERRY Pop Tarts. They were Prince Ben's favorite, not mine. I am NOT bitter. NOT AT ALL.
Thank you for always threatening to eat my pets. Where did all the cats go?? Oh yea they were shot...You know who you are & I know you are reading this ;)
Thank you for not letting me look in the mirror when the dog mauled my face off on the way to the hospital. I probably would have died.
Thank you for teaching me tagalog at such a young age. Sorry nothing really stuck except "Ben ay may bantot puwit" Ben has a stinky ass. ehh close enough.
Thank you for always being a wonderful grandmother to my daughters even though Madeline swears she is your favorite...hmmm
Thank you for always wearing so much jewelry that Mr.T didnt have shit on you. I hate jewelry. You have saved Sean a lot of money.
Although I dont really look like you, thank you for the slant in my eyes and the height in my cheek bones and the smoothness in my skin. I hope I look as good as you at age 60 but since I am half white that will never happen. Lucky beotch.
Thank you for raising me Asian and making sure I didn't feel different. Even though everyone else saw us that way. You made sure I felt like me.
Thank you for making me walk everyday to the deli and post office with you. I would probably be a fat obese kid had I not. Maybe I should start that up again.
Sometimes, I can't understand a freakin word you are saying but thats Ok, the only words I want to hear are, "Honey I made you butterball cookies" & "I bought you clothes" & "I made you Grandmas muffins, don't tell Dad"
It couldn't have been easy raising a child like me. A smart ass, smart mouthed, stubborn, begrudged, spiteful, gorgeous girl hahaha, with a sick twisted mind thats always racing in circles like a freakin merry go round. You did good Ma...
Oh yea thank you for always making me tortas and corned beef & potatoes alpo style at my beckon call. Asian girl probs.
I can go on and on but I will save the best stories for future blogs. hehehe
You are an inspiration and set a great example of what a wonderful mother and wife should be. You have raised the bar to a level I could never achieve. I could never be as patient as you are. Thanks dad. I lub you so pucking much Mama...
Stop fuckin cryin.
Happy Birthday! Enjoy the pics...
